Copywriting Tip and How To Kick A Squirrels Ass!

January 5, 2008 | Leave a Comment

SquirrelI was at the park with my little girl two days ago. It was about 3′oclock in the afternoon when this squirrel ran up to me out of no where and started grabbing on my nuts!

YO! Wassup squirrel. If you don’t stop pulling on my nuts I’m gonna stomp your little ass with my size twelves,” I said. That obviously didn’t phase him much because, he fell to the concrete pavement laughing and rolling and pointing at me. All while he squeaked in his little squirrel talk.

I was pissed. This little tree rat was laughing at me calling me an overgrown gorilla in front of my baby girl. Who was luckily distracted at this point and didn’t see or hear my wickedness. So while he was busy cracking up, I bent my knee, cocked my leg back and gave him a swift kick in his little puffy tail.

Eeeeek…! He went flying into a tree, head first, and SPLAT…smacked into the tree on his belly…hand ans legs spread eagle. What a sight that was to see. “Whoa, I thought…Did I just murder the little rat in front of my daughter?” The heat of fear flushed my chest, face and neck. And a single bead of sweat rolled down my forehead and on to my eyebrow. I put my hand on my head and said, “Oh God what have I done?” But…luckily a minute later he peeled his fuzzy, little, aching body off the tree and shook himself conscious.

“Whew,” I thought…”that was close!”

Feeling bad about what I had done to the little guy I opened the bag of nuts, that would have been his anyway, and I let him have some.

At least that kick in the ass will teach him to mess with me again!

Anyway, with this little incident I just wanted you to read and experience what happened to you as you read it.

Were you bored? I doubt it.

More likely you were a bit taken back and even felt a weird attraction to my utter nonsense. My words were more human and less like n authority. Did it make you want to read and visualize what I was talking about?

Of course! Why? Because people online like to be both educated and entertained at the same time. This same approach has grossed me and my clients hundreds of thousands of dollars with a single email.

Of course you wouldn’t make up dumb crap, but rather tell a more realistic story. Use times, places incidents, and scenery to build the mental imagery that you want your prospects to see and feel. Write like you talk and not like you’re pitching or announcing something. People appreciate and respond to this kind of copy.

It’s VERY different from writing a sales letter but it works like magic!

This approach is EXTREMELY powerful for anyone who uses it. You’ll see more of this kind of post from me on this blog, more tips like this and more colorful language as well!

copywriting-tips, copywriter, copywriting, email-copywriter, website-copywriter

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SHOCKING — Copywriter Roasts Live Pig for New Year!

January 3, 2008 | 2 Comments

Annabellle and DaddyWARNING — This is one of those politically incorrect posts I warn my subscribers about. Some seriously bad language should be expected. If you read this carefully, you’ll also learn a copywriting secret that the most successful people in the world know!

No, I don’t eat the PIG!

Not because of religion any more, although that’s how I started not eating the pig.

Today, I’d like to talk about another PIG!

This pig is about 5 years old and has turned into an eyesore to those around it.

Son of a gun doesn’t even eat that much, but he’s grown to about 280 lbs.

Big fu#@er too! 6′0′ if he stands on his hind legs. But why would he do that, he’s always sitting on his ass in front of the computer of all things.

At least he makes truckloads of money though. Better to make money to feed those grandkids he won’t see if he continues living that way.

Alright, alright…it’s ME!

Damn, what did you expect…and they say I’m twisted! Just kiddin’. ;-P

It wasn’t always this way though. And to be honest, most people can’t tell I weigh that much.

You see, in the late 90s and into the early 2000s I was an insane physical culturist. I had the brawny physique that many a man would love to have.

Never very low on the body fat side, but still A LOT leaner than now. Stand me next to any ‘big’ bodybuilder and I often made them look like a a pipsqueak!

Yeah, those were good times. Always, catching the eye of the opposite sex, knowing she wanted some of this brown sugar. Money started finding it’s way to me, but never so much that I was as well off as I am now.

The thing was, I was content. I had my future wife who is a hot little Colombian brunette. I had a wicked business mind and I could create training programs out of thin air for almost any one of my friends.

Yeah, you could say I was an encyclopedia of training knowledge.

So much in fact that, at the end of my “evangelical” training days, I would read almost anything and everything on training, nutrition and supplementation I could get my hungry little hands on.

In any case, at that time I had put so-o-o-o-o much contradicting information into my mind that I was changing training programs more often than my clothes. No lie!

Okay…I’m lying! But I changed training styles almost every week. That’s actually true.

So as time went on, I found myself going less and less and less to the gym and finally almost NEVER! My health and physique turned from fit to shit!

Not this year!

I’ve discovered a secret supplement that lets you sit on your lard ass and eat donuts, drink soda and watch TV…all while you incinerate the fat right off your, bloated jelly-belly and ass!

This special supplement contains a recently discovered compound that seeks out fat cells like a “heat seeking missile” and then it pumps them full of a special chemical that forces the fat cells to swell and explode into tiny little lipid molecules…ready for your body to excrete them in your feces an urine. No exercise needed!

Yeah R-E-A-L-L-Y!

NO! Come on! You didn’t actually believe me did you? I don’t want to know the answer. Keep it a secret.

Seriously though, for 2008 I stick to one thing. Fat loss and thats IT!

Not fat loss -AND- building muscle like most guys ‘think’ is the way…JUST fat loss.

Of course, I’ll be strength training with my body and with weights in some fashion, but my diet and lifestyle will change.

Oh and by the way…this is NOT a resolution!

This is my GOAL. One of my only 10 goals this year. That’s it.

Come to think of it…that reminds me of something else that I overcame in order to get to where I am today.

It’s information overload and it’s run rampant on the internet.

My gosh, I personally think that it is single-handedly responsible for A LOT of self esteem issues, health issues, personal financial issues and a whole slew of other fu@#ed up shit!


Because too much information breeds negativity, insecurity that you don’t know enough
or you are personally NOT enough as a person.

I say, “screw all that!” Cut through the shit and focus on one thing at a time.

For example…

Last year, I often found myself bombarded with different copywriting strategies and I
even took advice from people who call themselves the best and then I find out
that my copywriting skills generate more sales than some of these so-called ‘experts’!

After a while I began to realize that I needed to be picky about who and where I got my knowledge from and then only focus on the elements I really felt that I needed to improve on.

That’s all.

The results? Well…I’ve made twice the money in 2007 than I made from writing direct response copy in 2006.

I also made my clients enormous amounts of sales and the resulting profits!

Anyway, back to the Pig!

Yeah so, I’m gonna roast that piggy live and give you the play by play as we progress
into 2008 and he squeals for bloody murder as he shrinks into the lion he was born to be.

My question to my you my reader is this…

WHAT will YOU focus on in 2008?

My advice…scrap those shitty resolutions and turn them into goals.

Do yourself a favor…

After you’re done reading through this blog, go to and
look up two words.

Resolution and Goal.

When you read the definitions, you’ll find that resolution has a somewhat vague
definition with no real conclusion.

Goal on the other hand is a real SUCCESS word. All you have to do is
read through the definitions and you’ll see for yourself.

To your ultimate success in 2008 my friend…Kick ass in 2008!

resolutions, how-to-make-resolutions, copywriting-secret, copywriter, copywriting, fat-loss, pig, lose-weight, goal-setting, build-muscle, information-overload

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